Rambling #6

OK so i haven't blogged every day like i had wanted to but it is school holidays and miss m is away and time is my own so ocd cleaning is in order... We have a Japanese student coming to stay with us for a week at the end of July ... Now the whole family is excite Miss M has done Japanese since grade 3 and was fun in primary school and grade 8 but once it became a choice to do as subject 90 per cent of kids dropped it like a hot rock..

But to our surprise Miss M didn't she really enjoyed and took to it like a duck to water...

Much to my surprise because my experience with learning a foreign language was in year 8 with Sr Corona French at All Hallows ..
It was a year of hell i had no idea what this woman was on about through the majority of the class.. but i knew when the test came if i just put Le la in front of stuff something had to be right ... right LOL Wrong... my report read..

Why she bothers coming to class is beyond mine and Gods reasoning ...

WOW thanks for that ...

Anyway Miss M does amazing and now in year 10 and still doing it she aims to take it through to year 12 and beyond yay lol that's mummas baby lol

But my mother on the other hand has reminded me everyday that house isn't clean enough for the this Japanese exchange student.. so with miss m away i have scrubbed the house from top to bottom and being funny about chemicals its all been done with water bi carb and lemon juice and vinegar ..

SO now not only i am stressing what do i feed this poor Japanese Girl but i am freaking out she thinks my house is dirty ..thanks mum

So been a week of scrubbing, crying, jealous of miss m going out to lunch with my mum.. being cranky that i wish my mum spent more time with me as kid, so then thoughts of bad things that i have gone through come flooding back ,,,

Fuck and i hate my self for going there ,,,

most of all a week once again Not understanding how much i can love and not very much like my mum at the same .... i don't want to use the word hate ever cos i don't think i could ever use the word hate with my mum cos i know with everything that has happened to me through my life my mum loves me ...

But i hate fact that in a few sentences she make me feel like the most worthless of humans the most pitiful of mothers to walk this earth and never seems to blink and eye while doing it ...

I love her i respect her and she loves me i know it but i just think i was never quiet the daughter she wanted me to be ..

So at end of this ramble ..

I would like to say if Miss M was happy doing subjects to study hairdressing and she was happy i would be happy ...
the fact she wants to study law and languages just makes me please i have raised a smart child LOL